Focus On Phase I
I am in a holding pattern waiting for one of two phone calls: (1) from my lawyer confirming that my ex has been served, or (2) from my ex, ranting, thus confirming my ex has been served.
This is just the first phase in our divorce process. And actually, I should use "my" instead of "our", considering we're discussing the first phase of the annihilation of "our". No more 'we' or 'us'; now I'll use 'my' or 'I'. Of course, there's the kids to consider, so I guess I'm still 'us'. Which is fine with we.
After he's served, and once I complete my childcare course - next Wednesday, July 5th - I'm about 40 days from being single again. I've been excited about this moment, but many have warned me that it will be tough when the day arrives. I suppose. I don't see it, but I'll take the advice that's come out of the collective divorce experiences of most of the people in whom I hold high esteem.
I should note: my grammar has improved immensely, and I give Jule the credit. He was so knowledgeable, so book smart, I was living with a grammar instructor, shacking up with a college-level language arts class. He was a constant reminder of my intellectual inadequacy. And yet, all those lessons were stored somewhere in my psyche. (I still think he overuses commas.)
Julian has always been one of the most dynamic, most intelligent, funniest people I've ever known. And simultaneously, the most selfish, self-serving, no-esteem-havin' mofo. There is no greater misuse of God's gifts. Julian has the lion's share of God's great gifts generously bestowed upon him, but his demons have also played an amazing chess match, and seem to be winning. I don't know if he'll ever live up to his potential. And that hurts my heart. I love him and I want him to overcome. I'm past the issue of believing I will continue to be part of his life - the one and only way we are linked is through our children. Otherwise we wouldn't even still speak to one another. However, if you could see into his heart and mind, and then into mine, your heart would break knowing that him and I will never again be together. I think you'd realize instantly how greatly matched we were, how in tune we were, and then how our young, immature egos destroyed us from day one. Our story, in my opinion, is sad. And what's more sad is that the ending has already been written, the book has been closed, and it's sitting next to other chapters on a shelf, collecting dust. That's its destiny.
OK, so I have a story that happened two nights ago, but I'll write about it later. I need to get back to work.
This is just the first phase in our divorce process. And actually, I should use "my" instead of "our", considering we're discussing the first phase of the annihilation of "our". No more 'we' or 'us'; now I'll use 'my' or 'I'. Of course, there's the kids to consider, so I guess I'm still 'us'. Which is fine with we.
After he's served, and once I complete my childcare course - next Wednesday, July 5th - I'm about 40 days from being single again. I've been excited about this moment, but many have warned me that it will be tough when the day arrives. I suppose. I don't see it, but I'll take the advice that's come out of the collective divorce experiences of most of the people in whom I hold high esteem.
I should note: my grammar has improved immensely, and I give Jule the credit. He was so knowledgeable, so book smart, I was living with a grammar instructor, shacking up with a college-level language arts class. He was a constant reminder of my intellectual inadequacy. And yet, all those lessons were stored somewhere in my psyche. (I still think he overuses commas.)
Julian has always been one of the most dynamic, most intelligent, funniest people I've ever known. And simultaneously, the most selfish, self-serving, no-esteem-havin' mofo. There is no greater misuse of God's gifts. Julian has the lion's share of God's great gifts generously bestowed upon him, but his demons have also played an amazing chess match, and seem to be winning. I don't know if he'll ever live up to his potential. And that hurts my heart. I love him and I want him to overcome. I'm past the issue of believing I will continue to be part of his life - the one and only way we are linked is through our children. Otherwise we wouldn't even still speak to one another. However, if you could see into his heart and mind, and then into mine, your heart would break knowing that him and I will never again be together. I think you'd realize instantly how greatly matched we were, how in tune we were, and then how our young, immature egos destroyed us from day one. Our story, in my opinion, is sad. And what's more sad is that the ending has already been written, the book has been closed, and it's sitting next to other chapters on a shelf, collecting dust. That's its destiny.
OK, so I have a story that happened two nights ago, but I'll write about it later. I need to get back to work.
posted by Heather at 10:02 AM
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