The Weather Has Kept Me Away

For those of you who don't already know, my (ex)husband is "J to the IZZO!" (See comments from last post). I had no idea he was reading my blog. He's not being sarcastic, as far as I can tell.

OK, so. Julian. No offense, but I am going to stop writing here and change my site, because I really don't want to know you are reading these words. I'm pretty honest on here and I don't think you deserve that insight any longer. (By the way, I hate this hateful side of me. And you know that.)

But you HAVE brought us to this point. Up until a couple months ago, I would have waited around for months - nay, YEARS - for you to get your act together and for us to work it out. It was that phone call you made that one night - I think it was October. The phone call where you told me not to talk and you told me you had been drinking but that I needed to know the drinking had nothing to do with what you were about to say. How you exclaimed your everlasting love for me, how I'm the perfect woman and no other woman will ever be able to compare to me. How no one will complete you like I complete you (these aren't exact words, but this was the gist). And I thought you finally "got it". I was floating on cloud nine for days. I told all of my closest friends that you finally "got it". That we were going to work hard and work it out. (I am so fucking naive!) And then you called me a couple weeks later to tell me how awful I am and how much I suck and how much I want to be like you. And that I needed to hurry up with the divorce because you're going to marry Susan.

I was devastated. I don't deserve that. And what I've FINALLY come to realize is that you don't really care about me. You will forever look out for #1. I have always had loving feelings for you, but honest to God, they are gone. I don't respect you anymore, I don't want anything to do with you. At your request, I've finally moved on.

Let me call this now, you will probably respond with brutal words. I hope not, but I only have history to use as my guide. I do want to thank you for a couple of things before you start:

1. Thank you for our BEAUTIFUL children - they are truly a gift.
2. Thank you for your brilliance. You don't give yourself enough credit.
3. Thank you for teaching me how to love outside myself. I only wish you'd teach YOU that lesson, now.
4. Thank you for seven interesting years.
5. Thank you for not calling me anymore, but calling the children more.

Julian, best of luck to you. I hope you and Susan work out, if that's what's meant to be.

P.S. Please feel free to start sending money ANY TIME NOW.