I had a dream...

I dream every night. I know I do. But I don't usually remember my dreams. However, on this particular morning, I happen to remember a part of last night's dream. And it was so good that I just have to share it with you.

I was in a dance-off audition for a new movie. (You fucking know it's good already, don't you?)

So the casting director, a mid-thirties girl with flaming orange curls, was strolling through the dancing crowd - of which I was a part - with her clipboard pressed to her chest, arms crossed across the clipboard, holding a pencil, and continually pushing her glasses back up onto her face. She had on a striped polo top with a bright white collar, the three buttons unbuttoned, short-sleeved, and a long khaki skirt that went past her knees. I'm not really sure about the shoes. This was not a small girl. Short, yes, but she was a little past plump with breasts you could tell were only as big as they were because she was overweight. Oh, yeah, and she had some freckles.

So she's walking around and she keeps looking back at me. And yeah, in my dream I KNOW I'm a dancing queen, so I'm all over the floor, throwing my hands this-a-way and my hips that-a-way, and all I keep thinking is, "I am dancing SO well, she's totally going to pick me."

She puts down her clipboard, pencil still in hand, and she tries to show the crowd just what they need to be doing if they want the part. And her hands are in the air and she's waving them like she just doesn't care, but of course, she's looking at me the whole time because I am OBVIOUSLY the model for "How To Dance Perfectly In Order To Get The Part".

And at the end of the audition, she starts by announcing the male in the audience who won the audition dance-off, and he's gay with piercings all over his face and his hair dyed as bleach as he can get it, spiked, and he's totally wearing the whole "SK8TRBOI" outfit-type thing, and we will not fool any movie audience who's supposed to believe we are a couple, but oh well, it's all good. Until he and his boyfriend decide that the casting director needs to be progressive in this idea, and that she should cast SK8TRBOI's boyfriend as the female role. At which point my throat begins to close because that part was supposed to be MINE, and would have been MINE up until a moment ago when the casting director's train of thought crashed into the new millenium and progressive ideas and all that crap that is standing in the way of me being a dancing fool all over the set of some new movie who's stars were NOT named in my now stupid dream!

But wait. Never fear, because this is my fucking dream, you prick, and I say that the DIRECTOR walks over and thinks your idea stinks and he saw me dance and has decided that he doesn't need TWO dancing parts filled, only one, and I'M that one, you little Avril wannabe.

As I stated earlier, I am a dancing queen!