This past week I have:

• Been held at gunpoint in the middle of a bank robbery;
  
• been flashed on the freeway by a carload of Playboy pin-ups;
  
• lost $120;
  
• won $12,000;
  
• received a job offer to be the personal assistant to a major rock star;
  
• had my car stolen;
  
• bought a brand new, kick-ass red sports car with the insurance money from my stolen vehicle;
  
• called off all week from work, claiming "war distress" - I'm so getting short-term disability for this, yo;
  
• lied my ass off about my week to all my favorite blogging friends.

Friends, my week was so much less exciting than this. Let's just go with it, k?