Eminem Obsession

OK, so what's going on with me? I have this...well...issue. And I need to discuss it because it's just gotten ridiculous. But I'm a little embarrassed about the whole thing. Heck, I just need to spill it. Over the past three weeks, my obsession with Eminem has become absurd. I'm a mom with a career and a (albeit failing) marriage, and I just can't seem to think about anything else. No, see, maybe you don't understand. Like, I am really only thinking about Eminem, all day, while I'm in the shower lathering my body with Dove; as I'm getting dressed; whilst riding the busway downtown to work; walking with my son to his school; while eating a cup of fruit from Au Bon Pain; working, yes, while working; even when my husband is home - as long as he's not talking, I'm thinking about one thing, and one thing only: where will I be and what will I be wearing when Marshall runs up to me and tells me he can't live without me?

Huh?

Like, the other day, I read he's left-handed and his birthday is 10.17.72. Well I'm left-handed and my birthday is 10.11.75. All I can think this means is that we are somehow meant to be together. What the #$*%&(@! What's happening to me? I haven't had a star-obsession since Kirk Cameron, when I pasted his Teen Beat pictures all over my room and a couple in my Trapper Keeper! And then, while picking up some tacos and spaghetti* at the local grocery store, I read that he and Kim are back together, and I was filled with this total sense of jealous - like he PICKED HER OVER ME?!? May I take this moment to point out that he DOESN'T - EVEN - KNOW - ME!

*OK, ok, so I wasn't buying tacos and spaghetti. That was a lie created just in case HE'S reading, ya know, 'cause I guess he likes tacos and spaghetti. How pathetic.

PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP!!!