Warning: the following post is not intended to be funny, lift your spirits, or otherwise amuse you. I actually have serious shit that goes on in my life, too.
Note: If you're here because of Jimbo's post, your story starts in paragraph 7.
So I told you that I had a ten year reunion coming up. That was a week ago, last Friday. I went with my friend Christina. We've been friends since eleventh grade. There was one other member of our trio back then, and she flew in from Boston for the reunion. It was great. We were all together again, after ten years. Scratch that - we did hook up one time after I had Chynna, in '96, but only for one night out. Anyway...
Sidebar: I hate the word "anyhoo". Actually, it's not even a word. I'm sure you cannot find it in Webster's. No, seriously. Hate. Loathe. Despise. These are all words. And they all describe how I feel about the non-word "anyhoo".
I swear, being at the reunion was like walking through the twilight zone. It was a dream of my memories of people's faces while on a serious acid trip. I felt like my eyes weren't working. I literally found myself STARING at random people for, like, thirty seconds, and then saying, "OH! Hi! Wow! How are you doing?" Hoping the random person's name would suddenly spring into mind once they started talking. It was really freaky. And once you figure out who you're looking at? And you remember what they used to look like? It's really trippy. Seriously. Total acid trip. (Not that I'd know.)
We went out to a bar afterward, where a certain jock who tried to get a piece in high school decided he wasn't ready to change his agenda. After ten years?! I mean, seriously. I've been married for eight of the last ten years, I have two children, and, well, responsibilities! I don't have time for stockbrokering ex-jock's who are still chasing tail! And you aren't that cute, anyway!
The next night the ex-jock had a party at his mansion-sized house up in the trendy west hills of Portland. It was fun. The house was gorgeous. I had a good time talking to people I didn't like in high school. I was really surprised by some people's admissions. All in all, I was glad for the weekend and didn't feel "less than" at all, even WITHOUT Brad on my arm!
This weekend, my friend Christina got into a huge fight with her five-year-boyfriend, and now she's living at my house. In my one bedroom loft. Where I already house two children. And she brought her kitty. I love Chris, and it's nice to have her company, but I don't know how long I'm going to like being woken up at six in the morning by the feline version of Linda Blair. This kitty likes to take a few clawing shots at the faces of sleeping women, and he likes to dig around in my room, looking for toys, and did I mention he likes being up at SIX IN THE MORNING?!?! Oh, and the best part, he's great at waking the kids up by six fifteen. Yeah. That's gotta go. Yeah - NO! I don't want to be up before seven. And I certainly don't want my children up before seven.
(Para. 7) So that's what's going on in my life. I'm beyond broke. I have no idea how I'm going to buy Chynna's school supplies/clothes. Or how I'm going to fund Darien's fifth birthday party. Or how I'm going to cover my rent payment. My ex promises every week to send money. Every week. And every week sees another broken promise. And I'm trying to juggle work and home. Now with two new additions. (Did I mention JOBLESS additions???) And I'm missing out on my childrens' best years. And I feel helpless. And I don't feel like I have time to work on ME. And I don't know when or how - in this economy, and today's money-driven society - I'm ever going to be able to achieve any of the goals/dreams/plans I have for myself or my children. And I want somebody to make the world stop turning so I can get off. With all of my favorite people, of course. 'Cause I could never leave them behind.
Could one of you just tell me when it's going to get better? When I can I take more than two minutes to watch my kids discover the feel of the grass in their toes? When can I take them to places made of gumdrops and chocolate rivers? When can I go back to school and not feel like I'm depriving my children of THEIR childhood? When can I breathe easier? When will taking the kids to a movie not cause stress and panic over my financial situation? When will I feel like my life is more than just stress and chores?
OK, enough. I had to share because this is where I'm at in my life. Today. And it's a choice. And I can get myself out of this glum. I can choose to have a different attitude. And I will. I'll push these feelings down deep and "chin up". I'll pretend things are peachy keen and life is a bed of roses. I'll become cliche again. But today, right now, I just needed to FEEL the REAL. The real feelings. The real air around me. The real breathe of my life. What's RILLY go-inz on.
Sooooo, what have y'all been up to?
Note: If you're here because of Jimbo's post, your story starts in paragraph 7.
So I told you that I had a ten year reunion coming up. That was a week ago, last Friday. I went with my friend Christina. We've been friends since eleventh grade. There was one other member of our trio back then, and she flew in from Boston for the reunion. It was great. We were all together again, after ten years. Scratch that - we did hook up one time after I had Chynna, in '96, but only for one night out. Anyway...
Sidebar: I hate the word "anyhoo". Actually, it's not even a word. I'm sure you cannot find it in Webster's. No, seriously. Hate. Loathe. Despise. These are all words. And they all describe how I feel about the non-word "anyhoo".
I swear, being at the reunion was like walking through the twilight zone. It was a dream of my memories of people's faces while on a serious acid trip. I felt like my eyes weren't working. I literally found myself STARING at random people for, like, thirty seconds, and then saying, "OH! Hi! Wow! How are you doing?" Hoping the random person's name would suddenly spring into mind once they started talking. It was really freaky. And once you figure out who you're looking at? And you remember what they used to look like? It's really trippy. Seriously. Total acid trip. (Not that I'd know.)
We went out to a bar afterward, where a certain jock who tried to get a piece in high school decided he wasn't ready to change his agenda. After ten years?! I mean, seriously. I've been married for eight of the last ten years, I have two children, and, well, responsibilities! I don't have time for stockbrokering ex-jock's who are still chasing tail! And you aren't that cute, anyway!
The next night the ex-jock had a party at his mansion-sized house up in the trendy west hills of Portland. It was fun. The house was gorgeous. I had a good time talking to people I didn't like in high school. I was really surprised by some people's admissions. All in all, I was glad for the weekend and didn't feel "less than" at all, even WITHOUT Brad on my arm!
This weekend, my friend Christina got into a huge fight with her five-year-boyfriend, and now she's living at my house. In my one bedroom loft. Where I already house two children. And she brought her kitty. I love Chris, and it's nice to have her company, but I don't know how long I'm going to like being woken up at six in the morning by the feline version of Linda Blair. This kitty likes to take a few clawing shots at the faces of sleeping women, and he likes to dig around in my room, looking for toys, and did I mention he likes being up at SIX IN THE MORNING?!?! Oh, and the best part, he's great at waking the kids up by six fifteen. Yeah. That's gotta go. Yeah - NO! I don't want to be up before seven. And I certainly don't want my children up before seven.
(Para. 7) So that's what's going on in my life. I'm beyond broke. I have no idea how I'm going to buy Chynna's school supplies/clothes. Or how I'm going to fund Darien's fifth birthday party. Or how I'm going to cover my rent payment. My ex promises every week to send money. Every week. And every week sees another broken promise. And I'm trying to juggle work and home. Now with two new additions. (Did I mention JOBLESS additions???) And I'm missing out on my childrens' best years. And I feel helpless. And I don't feel like I have time to work on ME. And I don't know when or how - in this economy, and today's money-driven society - I'm ever going to be able to achieve any of the goals/dreams/plans I have for myself or my children. And I want somebody to make the world stop turning so I can get off. With all of my favorite people, of course. 'Cause I could never leave them behind.
Could one of you just tell me when it's going to get better? When I can I take more than two minutes to watch my kids discover the feel of the grass in their toes? When can I take them to places made of gumdrops and chocolate rivers? When can I go back to school and not feel like I'm depriving my children of THEIR childhood? When can I breathe easier? When will taking the kids to a movie not cause stress and panic over my financial situation? When will I feel like my life is more than just stress and chores?
OK, enough. I had to share because this is where I'm at in my life. Today. And it's a choice. And I can get myself out of this glum. I can choose to have a different attitude. And I will. I'll push these feelings down deep and "chin up". I'll pretend things are peachy keen and life is a bed of roses. I'll become cliche again. But today, right now, I just needed to FEEL the REAL. The real feelings. The real air around me. The real breathe of my life. What's RILLY go-inz on.
Sooooo, what have y'all been up to?
posted by Heather at 1:35 PM
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