Whirlwind

I am every emotion mixed together into a cesspool of "fuck off". I don't even know where to begin this post. I'm sick of people. Not those of you who come here on a regular basis. All other people. And I know it's because all of the feelings I'm feeling towards "those other people" right now are really the feelings I'm feeling towards myself. This self-realization doesn't make it any better.

I am tired of not sharing all of my feelings on my own blog. I tried to have a funny blog. The problem? I was trying. Trying to be something I'm not. Trying to fit into the blogging world. I didn't always try. And I realize now, that when I didn't try, those were the days I had the best responses and enjoyed blogging the most.

I'm done. From now on, you get me. This is me. You may not like it. I sure as hell don't sometimes, but I'm going to just start using this space as a journal. I will probably post a lot less to others' sites - or I'll leave off my web address. I don't really want a bunch of people coming here and spouting off - or "flaming", as Heather likes to call it. Can you imagine having that site. I mean, I love reading her site, and I happen to believe she's got a wonderful soul, but every time she shares her amazing writing ability in her weblog anecdotes, someone (or two) has something negative or sarcasticly rude to say. Fuck off already. We're just here to write, and we happen to share because *some* people want us to. (Obviously a lot more want her to share, but that's not my point. I was not making a comparison.)

I'm already feeling much better. I will probably write a lot more now that I've lifted the personal censorship I placed on myself.

(I just re-read my post two or three times, and it's final: I'm not making any sense. Man, I'm so neurotic. But strangely, I'm loving it. I guess that's because I'm being me - the girl riddled with several neurosis. Oh, happy day!)